Mathilda: Smart Fag/Silly Fag?

Now you nurses know that there are four of us little devil children putting up this show, and I had to take a moment to remind you that, while we, the fag 4, have tremendous love and respect for each other, we do not always agree on everything. So, I'm going to inaugurate a new feature — The Soon-to-be-Award Winning: Smart Fag/SillyFag? — by trying it out on one of our own: the lovely and talented Miss Mathilda.

On Renee Zellweger: Yes, she has a tendency to make a face like two year old having his hand pressed against a hot stove by a maniac, and we understand why Mathilda put her on his hate list. But all was forgiven for Chicago. Verdict: Silly Fag!

On Brittany Murphy: You had me at, "You're a virgin who can't drive!" And as long as you keep being a crazy beautiful drag queen high heel of a human being, I will love you. What is WRONG with Mathilda for not liking you? Maybe he secretly likes you so much he resents you for it? Verdict: Silly Fag!

On Perez Hilton: It was, indeed, Miss Mathilda who introduced me to the delicious Perez, whom we love. True, he does not want to get down on his knees and start blowing at the sight of him (as, of course, I do), but Mathilda is at least as addicted to gossip. Verdict: Smart Fag!

On Britney's Mom: We've wasted enough time on Mrs. Spears. LOOK WHAT'S BECOME OF YOUR DAUGHTER, WOMAN! DID YOU TEACH HER NOTHING ABOUT PERSONAL HYGEINE AND/OR CHOOSING A MATE? Mathilda is right to hate you. You're lucky he doesn't kill you. Verdict: Smart Fag!

On Evan Lysacek: We loved how you bounced back from your disastrous short program with that awesome long! "Awesome long what?" you ask. No wonder Mathilda loves you. Verdict: Smart Fag!

On Daniel V of Project R: All right, Mathilda, yes, the boy has some cutitude. And that orchid blouse practically made me 'gasm. But looking at the final runway — I think Insanetino's got him beat. Verdict: Silly Fag!

On the decision to put nude Johnny Wier Body on our site: No. Just No. Give me a picture of him in his python/beaver coat or anything else. Please. Verdict:Silly Fag!

Ok, I tire of this. And really, what's left to discuss — Gwyneth Paltry? I think not. The point is, Mathilda, we love you. Even when you are a Silly Fag!