Dolly Sez: The Red States Have Voted: Taylor Hicks, The Lord’s Most Disgusting Creation Wins

Dear Loyal Readers:

Y’all – I just finished cryin about Idol last night. It was just a terrible awful thing that happened. I hope Ginger Snaps ain’t lying in a by now cold bath after she sank in and popped one last night. I feel like George Bush just one American Idol.
However, there were some amazing highlights from last night like Dionne Warwick singing some amazing Bacharach from the good ole days. I am sure her appearance in front of 200 million+ viewers caused her dusty ole website to crash. Bless your heart Dionne – you still got it girl! Another amazing moment was when the jumpin retard appeared to take an award for being a jumpin retard and how can we forget the near blackout session of the Clay Aiken doppelganger. That was pure live TV darlins.

Miss Dolly is offering up some advice on what you can do on this dark day in American history to alleviate your feelings of misery and woe:

-Keep telling yourself that Soul Patrol is really just a 29 year old white boy who has no soul or bowel control – this tickles me pink
-Tell anyone with gray hair to fuck off
-Go to the beauty parlor and splurge on a big brown, silky, gorgeous Kat hair weave
-Condemn Birmingham, Alabama as the new axis of evil
-Find Ryan Seacrest in that gay bar in LA and give it to him in the bathroom. We know you love it Ryan!
-Grab Paula Abdul by the shoulders, shake her violently and then BITCH SLAP HER FACE
-Get outta the shithole you’re in and get on Oprah
-Run SCREAMING into your nearby emergency room yellin “NURSE!!!! I am dyin of the McPheever, help me, JESUS HELP ME!!!!”

Post away about what you are doin today to cope. Or maybe you disagree with Miss Dolly and wanted Grandpa to win?

Later, love and good luck,
Miss Dolly