Muscle Political Definition #1: Spin

All right, bitches, it's time, once again, to do that thing we love to do here on the FAGulous blog, and that's to introduce a feature newer than the fake titties of your Aunt Barbara da Stewardess. Now we're not bitches to shove politics down peopleses throats, oh HELL no! We got much better things to shove down their throats. Nevertheless, it's a political world, and somebody's got to jibber-jabber on about it in a way that's entertaining, cuz dat's the only way all y'alls will listen. (Prime Example: Jon Stewart. And I do mean prime. Mmm, I would go off my diet for some Prime Stewart, served au jus, y'all! Aw, hell, you know I'm lyin'. I don't diet. Call me, Jon).

Anyway, I wanted to start us off by addressing something that fans of the West Wing know a whole lot about: spin. Spin, like that old FAG in the wig and pearl earrings and hawaiin shirt on her fourth martini at the end of the pianobar, has nothing to with the truth. (Speaking of which, Call me Stephen Colbert!) Like a botched collagen injection, what happens happens. Ain't nothing ATALL to be done 'bout it. But either side (usually the conservatives vs. the liberals) comes out and pretends that EXACTLY what they wanted to happen did happen and will talk at length about why that is. Republicans own the world because they have a secret meeting in Washington (and I am SO not kidding about this, y'all) where they decide what everybody is going to say no matter what happens on ALL the TV talk shows. Democrats do not do this for some reason. Why? Ask Miss Hillary.

The lovely Katie Couric, who has at last realized that there was never ANYTHING IN THE WORLD MORE DEGRADING than hosting those today show fashion briefs (presented with all the style and grace of orallly contracted Chlamydia) is moving on over to host the CBS evening news. She wants to shake things up, and I think she's right to, considering we now live in a world where Bill O'Reilly is considered an important figure in news rather than a potential lead for a revival of the Captain Kangaroo show. Here's a little quote from CNN about what she wants to do: "Couric said she thinks that the media are 'held captive by spin,' choosing to repeat 'two separate spins' rather than search for the facts in a story."

Now I know that's a lot of times to use the word "spin" so I'm gonna simplify it for all y'all. Let's say that there are two drag queens, let's call them Bunny and Humper. And they are found, locked in Lips Nightclub with a third drag queen, let's call her DeadBitch. When the police find them, they both say, "DeadBitch was a dear, dear friend, and I am both shocked by her death and sure she was done in by that other queen." Miss Katie Couric is saying that, nowadays, the press will show up and say. "Hi, I'm here with Bunny, who says she didn't do the shit. And I'm also here with Humper, who also says she didn't do the shit. Who did the shit? The world may never know!" And Miss Katie wants to come on and say, "Hey, y'all. I'm here with these two bitches, and one of these bitches is lying like Pat Sajak's rug. They both said they didn't do it, but I sent an intern to check Miss Bunny's bag and found all manner of poison in there that would cause a ho to shit herself to death like DeadBitch did. And that's the TROOF!"

Frankly, I say, you go Katie. If I need spin, I'll find some poppers!