I SO FREAKIN' CALLED IT (in some cases) or Bewitched, Bothered and BOOTED!

Well nurses, another Wednesday gone by and with it another results show. I was attending the theater (more on that soon - let me just say "The History Boys" is wonderful!) and came home to turn on the DVR with shaking hands.

AND LO, it was that THE WORLD WAS JOYOUS AND BRIGHT and American Idol was GOOD. For these reasons:

1) THE JUDGES APOLOGIZED - Yesterday, I said: "You know those performances that the judges praise and then watch back and on results they're like "On second though. . . It didn't work on TV." I can only assume THE OPPOSITE will happen, cuz the judges were harsh as shit to my lovely wonder and, here at home, it was looking damn good." AND I WAS SO FREAKIN' RIGHT.

2) THE DRESS RULED — Sadly, there were no pictures of it to be found, but everyone on the net yesterday was searching for info about the beautiful yellow dress that made Kat's girls stand out and had the whole world gasping at the daringly high slit. What did I say? "Finally, a dress that shows off your figure (and what a figure!)."

3) KELLIE WENT HOME - Ok, so technically I did not call this because her humongoid fan base had already voted her through one bad week, and I figured if they were in for a penny they were in for a pound. But, lo, the Pickler fans got picky and decided they couldn't vote her through two weeks of truly terrible performances. Sorry, Kellie! I thought you were funny, but you just only get so much leeway on Idol.

4) PARIS IS BURNING - Her first visit to the bottom two. What got her there? In my own words, "An aging over-the-top cabaret singer with facial palsy who rolls each word around in her mouth like someone trying to taste for individual sperm in a load."

5) IDOL VOTERS LIKE TALENT - Creatively placed teeth and all, neither Idol voters nor Paula abdul's tear ducts can deny that Yamin has been turning up the heat and heart and he has been rewarded with at least one more chance to strut his stuff. Probably two unless either he screws up royally or Paris does an amazing job next week (or something unexpected happens with Tayor or Kat.)

6) MY LOVE IS NUMBER ONE!!! - Talk about redemption. I am officially embarrassed by how into Idol I am this year. I'm finally beginning to understand straight men and sports. And of course I picked my winner, the amazing in every way Kat McPhee, early on as I did with Fantasia, and it has been a similarly gut-wrenching ride as she turns out amazing performance after amazing performance and the audience cannot always be trusted to recognize this. But last night they did! YOU FREAKIN' RULE, AUDIENCE!

Ah, I'm floating on air. Not even the fact that Chris has been annointed by freakin' divine power to win even though I find his brand of entertainment not so much, can phase me. EVERYBODY CATCH THE MCPHEEVER!