Dolly Sez: ASS. Ponder no more...Get the grease out!

Now listen here. Miss Dolly loves to stick her nose in a wonderful smellin daisy ass, but don't get your stinky ass grease can near my face!
There's all kina ass out there kiddies and you can jus pick which one you want but I suggest one that smells good. Girls, get the grease out!
Now, I've had a couple of enquiries on my email on how's the best way to wash your ass in the privacy of your own ass washin room and so I shall enlighten my readers on these wonderfully helpful methods.
There are several methods that have been used throughout the history of ass washin that I saw the other day when I was gettin smart on watching PDA or PBS, I mean. The ancient Egyptians washed there asses with linen and yogurt. In Rome they used red wine, drank it and sat on the bottle...love that! The pre-Colombians washed there asses with the amazinly multipurpose Coca Plant...that's why they can run so fast, I reckon. This practice is still in use today.
While riding public transportation after I losing my purse and chauffeur, I couldn't help but smell the giant unwashed ass of New York City. There was ass that had been on the seat, got up, walked away and the ass lingered still. Ass standing next to me, ASS BENDING OVER IN MISS DOLLY'S FACE! Then some rank ass came through the doors beggin for money and I gave him some in the hopes it would help him find a place to WASH HIS ASS. Then there was ass pushin a stroller, one giant crack leading to major ass grease paving the sidewalk, and a real big ass stinkin up the GREASEtede's produce aisle smellin like an onion and makin me cry. Ass stank in my snot - stuck to my nose hair, clinging there like a scourge, a plague, a pestilence of humanity I could no longer bear. Then there was some big stinky ass pushin the register and it was jus a total wash for Miss Dolly. But there in lies the rub! None of it was washed! Help me! Doing research for you kind readers is tough sometimes, girl. Its jus fundamental chilrens. Gettin the grease out is like feeding a hungry child. You jus gotta do it. Take a shower. Soap up your ass. Rub the soap on your hole (a hot man comes in handy here). Stick your finger in your ass a little and make sure the grease is eradicated. It works and prevents nasty rants from Miss Dolly when you show up smellin like none other than ...ASS!!!