Kat McPhee Sings the Gay National Anthem and the Corpse of Clive Davis Lives!

Well, kids, I'll admit that by the time Idol started, we had finished the vodka and moved onto the rum, but considering the way I was hurling myself about the room - even with all that sedation - I can only imagine that I would have launched into orbit had I been sober. As for the evening? Well the still-animated corpse of Clive Davis showed up to not do anyone any favors, the judges were unusually harsh to Katharine on all but one song (I suspect to make sure she gets plenty of defenders to vote and push her over Goat Boy), and, after listening to the tracks again, I think it's finally happened: I may be a fan of Taylor Hicks. All right, let's run 'em down:

A LADY DOESN'T WANDER ALL OVER THE ROOM AND BLOW ON SOME OTHER GUY'S DICE, YOU DRUNKEN MANIAC
Yes, even Paula Abdul, abandoned her professed favorite Elliot to dance with Taylor this week, and it's not hard to see why. While certainly not offering the mind-crushing boredom of some past performances or the whitney houston sitting on a vibrator while smoking crack runs of others, it was not, suffice it to say, his best night. There's apparently a lot of hate going on around the Internet for his rendition of "Open Arms" but to me at least I could recognize the song in there, unlike his performance of the Paula Abdul-chosen "What You Won't Do for Love" which was more all-over-the-place than Anna Nicole Smith's cleavage or his own choice "I Believe to My Soul," where it seemed that the cameramen finally had enough of Elliot's face and pulled back for a dizzying array of wide shots while Elliot bleated and woofed all alone center stage.

LESS BAD SINGING THAT MAKES BAD SONGS LESS SO DOES NOT AN IDOL MAKE
Oy, with the crowning of Taylor the Idol already. I felt like his opening salvo of "Dancing in the Dark" was entirely forgettable - more of the same warble and wobble that always reminds me of Anna Nicole trying not to go to the dentist on her show. (Two Anna Nicole references in one article, I know, but I was drunk so I was feely kinship - btw HOLLA AT WINNING THE MONEY, GIRL!) But then Randy's choice, the obnoxious and cloying "You Are Beautiful" and his own choice "Try a Little Tenderness" - well let's just say I was surprised. Because I hate these songs. I hate these songs like I hate plantars worts and finding hairs in my food and close-talkers with unconscionably bad breath. And yet, surprisingly restrained performances from Taylor made them listenable. I'm not gonna go all the way to enjoyable. But listenable and memorable even. I hate myself for accepting you . . . but I do look forward to seeing the salt come out of the pepper next week, if rumors prove true! Dye, Taylor! Dye!

I BELIEVE SHE CAN FLY OVER THE RAINBOW OR ANYWHERE THE HELL ELSE SHE WANTS
Fans of Kat McPhee who rushed to support her last week after she faltered a bit with the songs of the King were rewarded richly tonight. Though Night of the Living Davis chose the more played out than Happy Birthday "I Believe I Can Fly," she held back a bit, vocalizing at choice parts for a performance that sounded different, even if it didn't feel like a total homerun. This was, of course, just fine because Kat read my mind and performed the seldom heard introduction to "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" while luxuriating in a pool of spotlight and channeling Eva Cassidy in the best ways, which led to the judges flipping out with praise. Such flipping would be entirely reversed as they pooh-poohed Kat's lovely performance of the awesome song "Ain't Got Nothing but the Blues" which I always wanted to sing on idol and which I first heard sung with total perfection by Tonya Pinkins on Broadway in "Play On." While I might have preferred to hear her sing it slower, still behind a microphone in a huge dress with train and a flower in her hair, her jazzy, snazzy version suited me just fine.

So, my lovelyl 'Mos, 'Bos and 'Ros, who do you think will bite the big one tonight?