The Fagulous Blog!

Learning the Fags of Life!

Friday, August 18, 2006

Those Gaysians Are Taking Over Everything!


Including NYC high schools!

Ginger's Addiction #4: Project Whore!


Well I'm tired of writing out "America's Next Top Model"; so this season, as a salute to the classiest reality show on television (Project Runway - and, yes, I know we haven't been talking about it much this season on the blog - because we've been too busy SCREAMING about it - in a good way, and sometimes a bad way, and probably sometimes in a dangerous way), I've decided to retitle ANTM, Project Whore! Because, well, it's not like they're really trying to be models. If you're trying to be a model, you stick you finger down your throat, hack of your tits, blow "bisexual" photographers (being careful not to swallow those extra calories) and develop a nice, firm mass in your left lung from smoking every time you want to fill your stomach. Or your empty, empty soul.

But these women want to be media whores, and really, good going girls! Do you see models on the cover of magazines? Do you see models hawking beauty products and clothes? Nope. Celebrities do that now. And the models that still can do it (like Tyra and "The Body" herself, Fraulein and Baby-Seal Maker Heidi Klum) are really less models now and more media whores.

So "The CW" - please respond to this post with that you think that little Acronym should stand for - has released the next round of Project Whore! finalists. I find the idea of trying to match faces with names exhausting until, like, the final four, so I will comment on favorites by description.

TOP ROW: Liking the girl that looks like a less-butch lesbian Kim from a couple cycles back.

SECOND ROW FROM TOP: Love me the white girl (second from right) who looks like her eyes are saying, "Ima Gitcha Sucka." Don't know about those two on the end. Are they twins? Bad Fiona Apple clones? Are they troubled by hemorroids?

THIRD ROW FROM TOP: I am SO all about the gorgeous black girl with the big hair and gorgeous lips. She looks about ready to leap out the picture.

BOTTOM ROW: White girl in the middle? Is that not Snaggletooth from last Cycle's final two? (I would know cuz I had her awesome li'l housewife with vacuum cleaner shoot on my desktop for ages.) As for the girl on the far right, jury is out on whether I think she looks like the epitome of beauty or a freakin' alien. I'll probably hate her once she opens her mouth though. It's that way with most of them.

And of course I wouldn't have it any other way.

So who do you like? Who do you want to hide with brown paper? And what does the CW stand for? GO, fagulous readers, GO!

Wednesday, August 16, 2006

Hump Day Humps #7: Dylan McKay vs Brandon Walsh

Lord have mercy nurses. I've been feelin' rull nostalgic lately. Must be that whole drinkin' wit ya friends from high school and talkin bout dem things like bad tv shows and who you slept with. Ain't that what y'all do? rightWell, we was talkin about 90210 the otha day. Oh that magical land of Beverly Hills where errbody is white and drives a convertible. I remember thinkin' 2 of da young mens were rull fine lookin. Jason Priestly and Luke Perry....ummh ummh uum. I can taste both of their peach pits right now. Jason Priestly played Brandon Walsh, a transplant freshman from Minnesota with a bitchy sister. He was the boy next door with, according to most sources, a huge palm tree down below.
leftLuke Perry played the bad boy, Dylan McKay who prolly gave all of dem gurls some sorta STD. But when he was an alcoholic for that brief period and blowin all his cash, I wanted him to take me right then and there. So who'd y'all rather hump? Lemme know.