Love List #6: Moz (Admitting It, Finally)

The Ringleader himself, has finally given us the OK to say he's a fag.

Continually giving the pronoun of 'he' to his characters now on the new disc, Ringleader Of The Tormentors, I am prouder everyday to call myself a Morrissey fanatic. In the past, he would rarely use any sort of gender defining lyric (even though we all knew).


I mean, really, how can you guess he was straight with lyrics such as these??:

1. "I coulda been wild and I coulda been free but nature played this trick on me" (Pretty Girls Make Graves)

2. "Hand in glove, we can go wherever we please, and everything depends upon how near you stand to me, oh and if the people stare, then the people stare, oh I really don't know and I really don't care" (Hand In Glove)

3. "Let me get my hands on your mammory glands and let me get your head in the conjugal bed, I crack the whip but oh you deserve it, a boy in the bush is worth two in the hand.. oh you handsome devil" (Handsome Devil)

4. "He's got too many girlfriends, I'm just jealous, that's all, he thinks he owns this city, he overspeeds and he never gets pulled over" (Boy Racer)

The last song is actually secretly about Moz's affair with his driver, risque, eh?

Lord only knows what they did in the backseat!

You Caption It #11

I was going to do it myself but you guys are gonna love playing with this one.

No pun intended.

Ok, intended...


Third Place, fagasini said... Is that a dick on your shirt or are you just happy to see me?

Second Place, miss all beef patty said... apparently sock stuffing is a thing of the past. now they just put kate moss in thier thongs for the bulge.

FIRST PLACE, rlrco said... A new GAY super hero emerges: COCK MAN! Well endowed indeed for crisises at hand, strutting off a runway to satisfy horny boys in need, stop fashion offenders, and put an end to the Federal Marriage Amendment!

Dolly Sez #2: Freshmen are our friends!

Exhibit A: The freshman swim team of a certain unnamed universiT.

Cadets, its time for yet another installment of your favorite bitch's mind fuckin' advice. So get your mind in the gutter and listen up!!! Today's question comes from rlrco:

"Are college freshmen fair game or nothing but a headache after a few happy endings?"

Lordy, now we are goin' down the slippery slope of Freshmeat/men, boys soon to be men. Hmmmm, I kinda feel like I just answered the question. rlrco, are you outta your mind? They's fair game and they proud of it! Freshman need to get laid as much as possible to advance their position in fag society. They have but one year in their budding lives to give it up to us bitches that have gone before them and done the nasty in every truckstop, honky tonk and Fashion Bug dressin' room east of the Mississippi. Miss Dolly herself slept with the entirety of Key West, Florida just to move up one fuckin' notch on the giant gay totem pole of dick. This is not complicated. I turn now to Exhibit A above to show all you crazy bitches how its done. These are college freshman. They are on a swim team. Note the developed abs and arms. Note the underdeveloped brains. Note the speedos that scream"I'm fair game, fuck me!" These boys are just achin' for Coach Rlrco to holler "Hit the showers, boys!" Judge Dolly's verdict: A few happy endings with Freshman boys (shower is optional) are a good thing. Side effects are possible bleeding out your ass, certain broken heart and of course headaches...but it ain't nothin' a handful of aspirin and a bottle of daddy's moonshine can't fix.

Later, love and good luck,

Miss Dolly

Ask Miss Dolly a question. Maybe she'll answer.
I know y'all need to be learned a thing or 2.

Prison Sex: Not Just a TOOL song

What happens when you're a European prison warder and you videotape the inmates screwing?

THIS!!!

FAGULOUS IDOL TOP 10!

Let's see if our predictions hold true, here's how we think the top 10 will wind up. We already know that we were incorrect on #10 so shut up!

It should come as no surprise, that Chris is our projected winner!

10.Kevin
9.Bucky
8.Elliott
7.Kelly
6.Ace
5.Mandisa
4.Paris
3.Taylor
2.Kat
1.CHRIS

this is why the bitch is unhappy

one of her lovers already told her he was gay. let us not forget when teen fags everywhere came in their panties when jack mcphee (kerr smith) told his lover joey (katie holmes) that he was gay. i know the first thing this fag did was write mr. smith and ask him for an autograph. i still have it to this day.

Love List #6: Hearing No Evil with Pandora

The next generation of Internet Radio has arrived, and, Nurses, let me tell you, I am addicted.

You see, now, my story begins, once upon a time, when Yahoo!Music first started letting music lovers build their own radio stations. But - like a heroin dealer that gets you hooked and then gets mowed down in the street during a gang way - they cut me off when they refused to upgrade their system to make it compatible with Mac OS X. BITCHES!

I would go back frequently, in the hopes they would correct this egregious error, but - alack, alas - they were clearly too busy coming up with new downloadable games or some shit to get off their asses and code and upgrade. Alternatives? Not so much. iTunes radio stations are about as stimulating as exposed brick, and others I tried sucked hard enough to leave dick hickeys. Until now.

Because, thanks to the Music Genome Project, which has catalogued a vast collection of music (growing more vast every day) by attributes like the kind of vocals, instrumentation, musical styles, beats - just about anything you could use to describe music. Then you tell them what artists you like, and they stream artists with similar qualities. When you like or don't like a song, you tell them so, and they compare the attributes with other songs you liked or didn't like to whittle it down until eventually you're getting exactly the early '90s grunge with heady guitar riffs or mid-20th century female jazz vocalists you desire. But, hell, why am I describing? YOU JUST GOT TO HEAR IT!

A NOTE ABOUT THE IMAGE: The gorgeous picture of our friend Avril which I used, somewhat metaphorically, to illustrate this piece is part of an amazing campaign sponsored by Aldo shoes in support of YouthAIDS. Learn more about how you can support this immensely worthy cause by visiting www.youthaids-aldo.org.

Idol: 10 Remain, Chicken Little Crosses The Road

Say goodbye to Kevin!

Better luck on American Infant.

That means that our guesses were wrong, as we all put Tucker at #11.

Vote now so that we can have an OFFICIAL FAGULOUS TOP 10! (by later today)

Love List #5: Gael Garcia Bernal

I can't believe I nearly forgot about this man!

Upon reading Queerty this morning, I remembered why I love him so much.

Cuz a) he's fucking stunning and b) he's a fagtastic actor who is severely underrated.

Some highlights of his career, for those out of the loop, include Y Tu Mama Tambien and Bad Education. Why don't you just IMDB him?

More photos (a whole lot more) can be found here.

Hotness.

The first ever installment of Dolly Sez!

Well kiddies we have a first question and I just can't wait to start answerin' them as they start flyin' outta yo' asses! Today's lucky lady is Ginger Snaps with her sorrowful diiiiilema:

"What do you do when your shitty boyfriend (who's not even your real boyfriend cuz he's so desperately afraid of commitment that he insists on leaving your hanging) goes away for a week and you miss him like crazy the whole EN-tire time and then he comes back and less than two days later he's being nasty to you on your way out the door in the morning because he's mad at his cell phone provider for making it hard to send pictures from his phone?"

Ohhhh weeee looks like what we got here is a case of Shitass Boyfriend. This man of yours is just standin' in the You Gonna Get Knocked The Fuck Out Line. Chillies: I only advocate domestic violence when its absolutely necessary or when I get a new cast iron skillet that I have a hankerin' to break in. Ginger, get your skillet, girl. Bein' scared of commitment is something a runin' in a many a fagola's blood. You gots to put the leeches on it to get it out! Drain the bitch! Really, sittin' and talkin' with your man might work cuz it'll get ya laid, but I suggest a sticky dose of his own medicine. Maybe playin' hard to catch or pitch or whatever is the way to go!
On to the whole phone thing....we all know how frustratin' these life consuming gadgets are but hell, are they more important than human love and affection? Definitely. I love my cell phone and if it was actin' up I'd get real pissed too and probably throw it at you on yer way out the door to WERK! You got off easy, bitch! Imagine if it had been some sort of ipod meltdown where it would only play that one fucking song from Rent where they sing about minutes and seconds and hours and milliseconds over and over and over until your fucking ears bleeeeed the fear of commitment right out? Shit!
!
Later, love and good luck,
Miss Dolly

Caption It #10: The Answers!

Ok, kittens, this was a butt-buster of a Caption-It, and y'all certainly let it all hang out in response.

Third place goes to Mathilda, who said: "math class just hasn't been the same since roger decided he was mariah carey in a past life."

Second place foes to Miss rlrco, who said: "i bet the rest of the blue jeans are in that crack!"

And first place goes to Rebecca, who said: "Who said 'daisy dukes' are just for the country??"

Wonderful work, everyone! Your ability to turn a hairy ass hanging out of cut-offs into something beautiful make y'all the plastic surgeons of comedy!

Heavy D joins the slimy fun!

I'm finally here and its been a long hard bus ride. I gotta to cool my dogs. I want y'all to know that one of my purposes of comin' to New York is to catch that coyote in Central Park. I heard its Mary Tyler Moore's cat she turned lose or maybe its really that nasty lookin' new Trump baby. My other purpose here is to start a new advice column right here in Fag City! You ask and I'll answer. Questions concerning celebs, sex with hot men, nurses and Oprah are always welcome.
Later,
Double D

Everybody Else Is Doing It #2

Mariah has totally mastered the technique of sucking her gut in.

That's right, girl, work it!

HEY...Can I get my change?

I came across this online and almost wet my pants =)



Whatchan think?

You Caption It #10

I know we've been awash in "You Caption It" lately, but, honeychillrens, how could I resist?

You Caption It #9

Third Place, rlrco said... god she looks better then my husband!

Second Place, miss all beef patty... your "beautiful" song doesn't work here does it bitch, because theys is all models

FIRST Place, fagasini said.. Just when I thought I was a WHORE!

You Caption It #8

Third Place, fagasini said... Another fagulous book review in the works

Second Place, miss all beef patty said... all i'm sayin is if elmo bites her titty, she gonna go james frey on his ass

FIRST PLACE, rlrco said... NY TIMES WEDDING ANNOUCEMENT "ELMO - OPRAH" The couple plans on being wed in an outside ceremony on Sesame Street with a honeymoon in Candy Land.

its a bird, its a plane, no its freakin sex on legs

i don't know about y'all nurses but i am excited to see brandon routh in blue and red spandex. the next superman came from a soap opera, so we can't say whether or not he'll be great at acting, but from the pictures, i'm sure we'll be able to look past that.






enjoy the trailer from superman returns

You Caption It #7

This one was too good to resist!

Third Place, fagasini said... Floor Seats: $300, A cheap ghetto date: A sack of White Castle, Death by a Fat Black Man: PRICELESS

Second Place, ginger snaps said... "OH GOD! THE NAVEL IS SUCKING ME IN! IT'S A BLACK HOLE ON A BLACK MAN!"

FIRST PLACE, miss all beef patty said... yo B, tell him we sure as hell ain't ready for his jelly

You Caption It #6

Third Place, evelina69 said... "Yo Homey.....How much ya want to miss the next shot?"

Second Place, fagasini said... OK Mrs. Robinson, can you clearly identitfy the man who attacked you?

FIRST PLACE, rlrco said... "Like deer caught in the headlights, moments before these Knicks players got "down and dirty" in their first gay for pay flick: "2 points for a rim shot."

Nebraska: Midwest Gone Wild!

The man who I've attached a photo of in this post, recently got in a lot of hot water by having a PARTY at his house in Lincoln, Nebraska, which featured beer music and hot Midwestern men! Oh, what tragedy...

According to this story, Mike, a 21-year old college student (and fucking hot), was recently in court to battle allegations that he was endangering the lives of others by serving beer at his OWN HOME.

Lesson to be learned from this: Red States Still Fucking Suck!