Fagulous Week In Review - 6/2

ANNA NICOLE'S HAVING A BABY Y'ALL!
Liz Taylor on Larry King to claim she's not crazy after all.
She pimped her jewelry: bracelets, pendants and rings.
With all the bling I thought he was interviewing Bai Ling.

Brangelina explodes with Shiloh, a baby girl!
Jen Aniston remains silent, fingers in her hair, twirl twirl...
Speaking of, The Break-Up is out today
Only 2 stars but I'll probably see it anyway

Anderson Cooper makes a splash into books
A memoir of his take on global tragedy, nice hook!
Taylor and Kat travel together on a promo tour
When asked if Taylor is her boyfriend, Kat replies 'I'd rather puke on this floor'.

Dixie Chicks debut at #1 with 'controversial' new CD
Kathy Griffin is back next week with another season of her life on the D
Britney has been sans K-Fed for close to a week
Can this be the start of a winning streak?

Katie says goodbye to her 15 year spot on the Today Show
Tears tears and more tears, yet Ann Curry's face has a sudden glow
The bitch was parading around the new set like she was the SHIT!
I ran into Markus Schenkenberg on the 1 train, my heart went pater-pit, pater-pit


How'd I do this week?

Best Article Title Ever

I couldn't have made this one up if I tried.

Dolly Sez: Plan that Hitchin', Sister!

Dear Loyal Readers:

I recently had a query about how to plan a weddin' successfully and I wanted to share my nuptial knowledge with you.

“Dear Miss Dolly: My boyfriend proposed to me last week and I said yes. We don’t have very much money and we live in a 4th floor walk-up in Bay Ridge, Brooklyn. How can I plan a nice wedding when my soon to be husband is a plumber and I am a temp/artist?”
-Carole in Bay Ridge

There you have it folks, a young bride-to-be in Bay Ridge.
Well Carole with an 'E' (nice touch), I do declare that you have quite the challenge ahead of you, honey. Just how does a blushing bride plan a hitchin' when she’s flat broke? Well, you do it down-home style of course darlin! It doesn’t take a whole bunch of money to look ravishing – you just gotta do it right. I assume Bay Ridge is some sort of artsy fartsy colony so you could get your friends to help you make some clothes for the bridesmaids and yerself. Carole, do you have any gay friends? I find that homespun frocks are quite endearing when the right fabrics are sewn meticulously in the hands of a gay man. Take for example a simple cotton cast-off from your local Salvation Army – this could be a garment goldmine in the right nimble fingers! The dress could be adapted to your form and shape, add a shawl made of polyester lace and some sandals and shazzam! Supermodel! No sense in turning into bridezilla trying to fit the Lord, your man and yourself together.

Jesus, Daddy and the Spook don’t care what the hitchin looks like as long as you take a stab at greatness.

Now for the location. I find that in urban areas, a friend’s block closed off with some traffic cones on one end and a street hockey net on the other makes that slow stroll toward the altar an unforgettable experience. As for the altar, construct one using painted cinderblocks laced with dollar store silk carnations - a glamorous place to say I DO if I do say so myself! For an extra special touch hang color coordinated bunting from the side mirrors of the cars parked along the street to help create the look of an outdoor aisle. You and your pipe layin' man can start at one end of the block and work your way to the other all the while enjoying the toothless smiles of well wishers sitting in beach chairs along either side. For music, take advantage of all those cars lining the block – they got CD players, honey! Try to park yer clunker near the altar, roll the windows down, and blast that hitchin music, girl! For the reception go with a coupla Crave Cases from White Castle displayed daintily on white paper doilies laid out across a ping pong table from your friends back patio. Don't worry about the cake, sweet thang, I find that guests on crystal meth don't eat much. Don’t fret about booze Carole, just make sure to mark the Evite BYOB (and that last B don't stand for bitches for you African Americans that will be in attendance). Now comes the fun part: the SEX. For this, head to Atlantic City, sweetness. Its only a cheap bus ride away and you can make a day trip out of it! No bothering with that deep pockets hotel expense! AC is as romantic as you can get on a bottom-of-the-barrel budget. Think of you and your man lying in the sand next to one another smoking crack and watchin a Mets game on a TV that has an 80 foot long extension cord plugged into the closest beach motel. Its just delightful, isn’t it? Well Carole, I think I’ve helped you with the plans – now take my advice and included photos and run honey! Oops, don’t trip!

Later, love and good luck,
Miss Dolly

Kat McPhee Causes Domestic Abuse!

Be careful what you say about Kat McPhee or you might get struck, by a family member!!!!

PS I got this link from Drudge Report and I swear to you I've never read this Republican online crap news site ever before. Nor will I ever read it again, unless they put up more stupid shit like this.

Hump Day Humps #3: Calvin vs. Klein

Whooo-weee huney. Its gettin ruulll hot out there, ain't it? It made Miss Patty just want to walk around in her britches. It gots me to thinkin bout them sexy Calvin Klein models. Not the new ones, but the ones that used to get me all hot and bothered back in the 90s. I've got two very sexy mens for y'all. Michael Bergin, on top, was from uurrly Baywatch and Antonio Sabato Jr. was from all sorts of mess, includin daytime soaps and nighttime soaps like my all time fave-rit, Melrose Places. Hell, I remember lookin at both of these men in magazines from that era, and thinkin they were hotter than two rabbits havin sex in a wool sock. Good luck with this one.

Guess The Bitches (Mega) #12

Okay y'all. Since you were so fast in guessin' Sandra and Keanu, take a stab at this this giant Guess The Bitches. I'll leave this one up till Monday to see who y'all can get. The winner gets a celebrity type profile written by Miss Dolly on The Fagulous Blog!

You Caption It #31

Mariah again, lookin' bootylicious. Or, not.

WINNER: EVELINA69
"Hey Bitches, my ass looks good, don't it! Gotta wear this skirt cause ya all know I ain't gonna fit into it next week."

Guess The Bitches #11

In honor of their craptabulous movie about to come out, can you guess who this onscreen duo is, based on what they looked like as chilrens? I'll give y'all a hint, the movie title is similar to "the pond crib".