Dolly Sez #3: Say no to CRACK (even if Whitney passes it to you).

From the Daily News:
Houston, you got a problem...crack!
Kin tells mag: Whitney's a half-toothless addict
BY MICHELLE CARUSODAILY NEWS WEST COAST BUREAU CHIEF
LOS ANGELES - Songbird Whitney Houston has become a half-toothless crack addict who hangs out in dangerous drug dens and sees "demons" in fits of dope-induced paranoia, a new report claims.
The sister-in-law of the multi-Grammy winner made the allegations as she spilled her own drug secrets to The National Enquirer in an exclusive report in its April 10 issue.
"The truth needs to come out. She won't stay off the drugs. It's every single day. It's so ugly. Everyone is so scared she is going to OD," Tina Brown, 42, told the tabloid.
Brown, the sister of Houston's bad-boy husband R&B singer Bobby Brown, admits she "did crack with Whitney" on many occasions, but the tattler says she went straight last Aug. 24.
Tina Brown says she ratted on her ex-"drug buddy" in hopes of forcing Houston, 42, to face the music and get help. "Maybe this will save her life," she said.
Lurid photos supplied by Brown, and reportedly taken in January at Houston's Georgia home, show a filthy bathroom littered with drug paraphernalia, including powder-coated spoons, garbage and debris.
The Enquirer story says Houston was regularly using drugs in early and mid-2004. "Being Bobby Brown," the Bravo network reality TV series she starred in with her husband, was reportedly filmed between January 2004 and June 2004.
The once-gorgeous, velvet-voiced crooner who wooed Kevin Costner in "The Bodyguard" now "spends her days locked in her bedroom amid piles of garbage, smoking crack, using sex toys to satisfy herself and ignoring personal hygiene," the tabloid says.
Nancy Seltzer, a spokeswoman for Houston, said she has not seen the story and could not comment on it.
The story also claims that:
Whitney hallucinates and sees "demons" when she's high. She bites and beats herself black-and-blue but blames the "Devil" for the injuries. "The Devil be hitting me," Whitney reportedly told Brown.
When Whitney's mom, Cissy, forced her to attend rehab sessions in March 2004, Tina Brown says, Whitney smoked crack on the way to the meetings and dodged the urine drug tests saying: "I'm not giving you no pee today. I don't have none right now."
Whitney allegedly loses her $6,000 set of false teeth when she's high and once appeared toothless, scaring the kids at her niece's school.
Whitney smokes as much as an "eight-ball" (1/8 of an ounce) of crack at a time, mixing it with marijuana encased in a cigar wrapper, according to Tina Brown.
In 2004, a drug dealer called Bobby Brown and ordered him to remove the paranoid and out-of-control Whitney from his crack house. "Come get your wife. I'm sick of this b----," the dealer reportedly complained. Originally published on March 29, 2006

You Caption It #13

GOOOOO!

Third Place, rlrco said... "Carmen Electra shows the positions she gets her self into to cook dinner for husband, Dave Navarro. She tells all, her favorite part about cooking is when she gets to scream to him from atop the kitchen table: DINNERS READY! CUM EAT! Tonight show host Jay Leno quickly lets her know that spreading your legs is not what most Americans considering "cooking"

Second Place, miss all beef patty said.. i hurd carmen is displaying how dave bottoms for her when she puts on the strap-on...theys is such a cute couple takin turns and shit

FIRST PLACE, fagasini said.. And you thought it was just diners open all night!

'I Wish I Could Quit You' is Officially Over

I saw this this morning on the C train.
Yes, it's a Manhattan Mini Storage ad.
Yes, they dared to use that phrase.
Yes, I snapped a photo on a crowded rush hour commute, I even elbowed an old lay outta the way.

In Other News of that Skinny Campbell Bitch

HA! HA! HA! Bitch got hit with a cell phone. In other Naomi (Me! Me and Naomi and this Water!) Campbell news, Miss Tyra Winfrey, she of the long held feud with Naomi (Will you be the face of my new global network?) Campbell, publically reminded the WHOLE DAMN WORLD of the time that Naomi (She's being very difficult!) Campbell done spilt her skinny ass on the runway walking in tall ass Vivienne Westwood Stripper Shoes. Best of all? She didn't even say Naomi (I'm presenting...) Campbell's name. She referred to "one model" like she was writing her big-red-weave ass an ITEM ON PAGE motha' SIX, y'all!!!

(Parentheticals brought to you by ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS, official british comedy of the Fagulous Blog.)

hitting people with phones...that's just ignant?

speakin of models...i feel like homey the clown just said, "homey don't play that" when i read this. who hits people with phones? wait...that's right...celebrities. naomi campbell was arrested this morning for hitting her assistant with her cell phone. i bet it was a pink razr cuz that bitch is all fancy. you can read all about it on CNN cuz they know all da shit.

The Fagulous Feud #1: ANTM's JADE

Welcome, fags and fagettes, to our new feature - The Fagulous Fued. Once in a great while, a figure comes along - so explosive, so divisive, so intense that we just don't know whether to love or hate the bitch. But those days of indecision are gone; cuz we're gonna let all y'all decide. Take a good look at our candidate, bring to bear eveything you know or have been told about the bitch, then vote LOVE or HATE in the comments.

If you vote LOVE, this bitch gonna get the treatment Royale: a place on our fabulous LOVE list, a rhapsodizing entry about how much ass she kicks and who she's tearing down, and a special note straight from our faggety hearts. If you vote HATE, this bitch gonna get tore up like an asshole who walks past rabid dobermans with salami in her pocket, 'nuff said.

Our first candidate: the resident "bitch" on this season of America's Next Top Model, Jade. Is this bitch full of herself or a thing of beauty? Is she talking trash or telling off trash talkers? Does she burn hotter than an untreated Urinary Tract Infection or is she just a DISEASE? You decide!

Sharon Stone: Lick It, Taste It, Every Drip Drop Don'tcha Waste It!

Sharon Stone advocates oral sex for teens who don't want to go 'all the way'!

Right now in Idaho there's a very happy 13 year old boy jerking off as he's reading this story.

Michael Douglas is too.

You Caption It #12

I feel like the caption already attached to this picture sucks, what would you title it?

Third Place, stgoleary21 said.. He may be the future King, but my dick is bigger!

Second Place, rlrco said.. "the faces of denial"

FIRST PLACE, ginger snaps said... "Our next item up for auction: Two life size recreations of the heirs to the British throne. For the discerning collector, all orifices come pre-lubed. Act now before they age and start to resemble their father!"

American Idol: Worst Show Ever!

Now, y'all, I have gritted my teeth through the misery that was Jasmine Trias (brought to you by the state of Hawaii) and the complete embarrassing lack of being on-key that was John Stevens (brought to you by grannies with a thing for redheads) but last night was the WORST NIGHT OF IDOL . . . EVER! And I'll tell you why:

1. Lisa: "Because of You" millions of people did not watch the rest of the show.

2. Pickler: If you wink when the song says "blink of an eye" you are officially an asshole.

3. Ace: Just when I thought nothing could make me tell you to button up your shirt - YOU POINT TO YOUR SCAR when you sang the word scar. You also touched your HAIR when you said hair. What is this? Pre-school?

4. Taylor, please God stop singing this repetitive bullshit. Sing, boy, sing! It's what you're here for! BUILD to something.

5. Mandiva, please girl. To quote a musical about hookers, "Tuesday? What you gotta be singing hymns for on a Tuesday?" And it might not have been so bad without that agressively preachy opener. I'll be the one to decide if I can overcome my addictions, thank you very much.

6. Chris, come on. Everyone in the world has compared you to the Stapp. You essentially just got up there and declared that you would play second banana to kid rock in a homemade porn. Also, screamy, boring, and anyone who might enjoy that type of performance probably thinks you're a prissy sell-out for being on Idol already.

7. Katharine! My love! You started out a bit off-key but you recovered! Please, sweetheart, don't let them hand you a shitty arangement! You can't let them cut anywhere. That last comment also applies to your clothes, which - and I have to give props to Joe R on TWoP for this one for calling the outfit. It's a costume from Joss Whedon's Firefly/Serenity sci-fi cowboys in space show.

8. Bucky, you better spin that mic some more cuz I'm bored with everything else. Actually, if you have a scar, I encourage you to show us that.

9. PARIS! Girl, you did not just get on up there and drop it like it's hot on national TV WHILE you was singing. Mad props, honeychile.

10. Elliot. Good vocal, I guess. What else can I say? You have not made any attempt to get your look together. You have not made any attempt to make your personality not fade in the big studio lights, honey. You have a great voice, but YOU ARE NOT PARTICIPATING IN YOUR OWN RECOVERY!

Sigh. I'm gonna go NOT DOWNLOAD mp3s of last night shows because NOTHING IS WORTH DOWNLOADING.

Another Man Captures Britney's Va-Jay-Jay

And while we're on the subject on celebrity gentials in action, we bring you news from the world of Britney Spears, who has been sculpted - mid-birth upon a bear skin rug. Coming soon to Capla Kesting Fine Art in Williamsburg.

Oh, and y'all, they're calling it the world's first "pro-life sculpture," which I think is pretty hilarious considering: If the spawn of Spears and Federline isn't an ad for birth control, I don't know what is.

Wilmer On Lohan: Hairless Sex Goddess

Seriously, what am I missing out on?

He's not THAT cute!

This morning on Howard Stern, Wilmer shared all... including intimate details on his penis, Many Moore's coochie and of course, Ms. Lindsay herself.

For more, click here!

You can give me Adam Brody over him anyday.